Coping

Have you ever gotten up and thought that your day was going to be so productive and fun, like nothing could break your vibe? I’m sure we have all had those days but one particular day was a game changer for me. I had been feeling very emotional for quite some time but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I could tell you that I had a lot on my mind as I always do my thought process is never ending even when I want it to slow down. I don’t really have that type of luxury go figure.

Words unspoken, are the one’s that weigh’s the heaviest on one’s heart.

That day I woke up just like that, I remember thinking this is going to be a good day and I was in such high spirits. Just my luck it was anything but, I learned that I suffer from bipolar disorder. My world came crashing down, I mean I had heard of it but I never thought that I would have it. I wasn’t judging anyone or nothing I was just in complete awe, like really me? I didn’t really go through a realization phase it was kind of diving in head first asking how do we fix this. Truth is there is no remedy for it unless you take medication in which I opted out on. I’m not a medication taker and I barely like to take medication when I am sick. Cough drops and tea does my body just fine. Looking back on it now the signs were always there for me to see but I was always so wrapped up in helping and caring for others that I simply ignored me and my needs.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Unusually shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels.

Lets me explain. Phases also called episodes, mood swings in which range from depressive lows to manic high’s. Mania episodes could include symptoms like high energy (bouncing off the walls not literally but close), insomnia, and loss of touch with reality. Depressive episodes could include symptoms along the lines of low energy, low motivation, and loss of interest in everyday activities.  Mood episodes can last days or months at a time and mainly.

Nothing Bad.

It’s nothing bad, but some people would think that this is something scary and it’s not. This can be managed if you are willing to take the time to understand yourself. In my case my mania’s are more current than my depressive state because I am constantly active. Everyone with bipolar is different, they are people just like you and I. This is a touchy subject for a lot of people but not discussing this is taking the cowards way out.

Self Realization

It took me a little to truly understand myself and I am still learning, I am not perfect. The greatest accomplishment for me would be to have the courage to tell my story and help other people like me or people that may have loved ones be better. Getting to know myself as a person took some time for me because I do have a tendency to be indecisive and that is no ones friend. I had a little trouble weening out the things that I like to do with the things that help me focus and enjoy. The things you find comfort in can be the smallest thing but just enough. Would you believe that I love crafts and being a creator. Photography and plants have also placed a stamp on my heart. That was the moment I started my real journey and managing my bipolar.

Each day is better than the next, you just have to breathe.

“Mania”
What is Mania?

Mostly described as a mood or energy level that is elevated above normal, but not so extreme to causes impairment. When I get my mania moments that’s when I get my best ideas I am my best creative self. I get so much done because it’s like my motivation just goes through the roof. I feel so energetic and it just seems as though my list of things to do grows with each waking moment. The downside to mania would be that it feels as though your mind is going like 80 mph and you cant stop it. My husband says that sometimes in my mania state I ramble like ongoing and it normally makes sense when you are listening. If you miss anything then you may never get the answers that you are looking for. Although to me when I am doing something or I write something while in my mania state somehow comes out so meaningful and passionate. Sometimes I surprise myself because it’s like how did I get my brain to slow down just enough to write an entire blog.

Sometimes I tend to forget things too because I have so much on my mind it’s like I had been sleep for a period of time and I just have so much to say, so much to do, so little time. My husband likes to refer to me as the white rabbit and I never understood why until I was diagnosed. I started to see things for what they were and suddenly things that didn’t make sense started too. He calls me the white rabbit because of my inability to sit still, I am always on the move. Sometimes I dance to get rid of excess energy. I have multiple positive outlets because even energy is sometimes overbearing and no one wants any negative energy floating around. When people say I wish I had your energy, I say trust me you don’t want this type of energy lol. My energy is nothing bad but it is a little to much to handle at times. Imagine sitting on a couch and all of the sudden you feel a burst of energy and it makes you want to get up and move. Sitting still makes you fidgety so you can either control it or get up and get moving. Even with that happening you still have a positive outcome for both.

The Downside

Each of us have at some point had to deal with depression whether it be a friend, family member, or yourself. When you have bipolar and depression the most random memory, thought, movie basically anything can send you on that sad cruise. Sometimes you may be able to avoid his royal sadness but sometimes she gets you. When I get in my depressive state sometimes I cry and then sometimes it strictly consist of me strolling through the house in my pj’s at 2 p.m on a saturday and a side of coffee trying to be normal.

Coming to Terms

I have come to terms with the fact that I have bipolar and that I am no where near being normal but instead I have this unique sense of creativity about me. Rather than thinking of this as something bad an non beneficial I see it as an opportunity. It’s almost like an algorithium if you want to call it that. When I am manic that is the best time to work work work and then fun. I don’t have the luxury that other have I am on a designated schedule that my body has chosen for me. Slowly but surely I am getting myself together and learning to be more productive on my good days.

Hate is a strong word

I am not the type of person who generally uses hate an awful lot but I do get a little discouraged with having this. I dislike my inability to make friends, trust people, paranoia, crying, and that how sometimes I cant control when I get my lows. I am still me but with a couple of flaws, we all have them. The key here is to understand yourself and then you will be better able to understand your illness.

Bipolar Marriage

Not all of this is bad I would say that within my marriage I have come a long way from then when I first found out until now. I’m not really sure how my husband makes it through my lows but I do really appreciate him beyond the moon and the stars. Sometimes when you get into a relationship and you suffer from bipolar it can have either a negative or positive effect. It all depends on how you want to go about it. I would say that my mania moments are his favorite he says I am such a social butterfly. Within that time frame it’s smooth sailing for whatever time frame, but he has also learned how to keep me grounded during my bad spells.

My bad spells are more along the lines of a normal meltdown but 3x worse. Sometimes it makes me want to lay around but I never get stuck in the bed. We don’t feel like normal people feel, believe it or not some people feel deeper than others in which makes us react differently. Have you ever heard the term of “It’s not the serious.” It really is and it is not like I can hide it I have been told since I was little that I wear my emotions. People sometimes ask me how is being married and suffering from something like bipolar disorder . It is a roller coaster for sure people always tend to want to be around for the good but never for the bad and that’s when you need them the most. If you can find someone that is there for both sides that you got yourself a keeper. I’m not saying marry the first guy/girl you meet that seem like they can keep their s*** together. Although this may be true I can say that I have never been divorced. I am not saying that I didn’t want to go sometimes because it just seemed so much easier but I didn’t because I knew that he loves me. Sticking through the mud with someone in their time of need speaks volumes. I mean who sticks around when they aren’t even sure which wife will be waking up beside them. He says that doesn’t really matter and between me and you I think he loves the variety. Weird right to each it’s own, you can’t help who you fall in love with but all that matters is that they love you back. If you are able to balance everything out and find a common ground then you will be okay. Compromise is the key to marriage but in this case it may take a little more. Working together, finding a common ground, and keeping others out of your relationship help’s as well.

Raising Little’s

You can raise children if you have bipolar it does not make you any less of a person or mom. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you an different. This mental illness does not cripple you it makes you stronger and able to endure more. If anything it teaches you your limits and what you are able to tolerate. I have not always had best run with the patience train. My kids do cut me a break because they understand what I an going through. I don’t lie to my kids because I want them to understand and to treat other people like they would like to be treated. Sometimes it is a task for me because like all parents I get overwhelmed by when I get like this I have my crying episodes. I try to keep my episodes from my kids but even that was hard, now I just go into a room by myself because I don’t want to upset them. They know but why subject them to mama’s bad day you know. So the hideaway seems to be working for me and right now that is the best thing that I can think of.

Distance Loving

I have had people that I have to love from afar because they do trigger my episodes sometimes which only means that they are toxic. I am okay with keeping people at a distance if it means that I can have my peace. Is it something that I wanted to do of course not but I do believe that toxicity is misery’s sister and I simply can’t have it.

Leave of abscence

I am sharing this story because I want others with a mental illness such as bipolar to understand that it does not make you a bad person. A lot of people tend to question why I come and go in and out of peoples lives. This is not something that I am proud of but my mental illness makes me that way as if being alone is much more better for me. In most cases you have to do what is best for you as well as your family and if that mean interaction then you better grab this by the horns. Do not feel discouraged there are a lot of unkind people in this world but it is up to you to stand up, stay passionate and teach them about mental illness. In the beginning I used to be ashamed to even utter the words bipolar disorder and now I make jokes about it that’s how comfortable I am with my illness.

Where did 2020 go?

Let’s Play Catch Up
Photo by Designecologist
It’s still 2020 bare with me……

I mean really there is not one person who doesn’t know what I mean, we have literally been in hibernation most of the year due to that unwanted visitor known as covid. This virus has had such an impact on not only our economy but individuals and families as well. I mean it is really something mind blowing if you ask me. Drifting all the way back to march and here we are bringing in the fall still engaged in wearing masks for protection. I’d like to refer to it only as that because it is certainly not for comfort. Anyway there goes my summer but I do have hope that maybe the fall will be better and when it becomes cold people may not go out as much aside from work and survival like food and toiletries.

Me and Kids

(Where is the laughing emojii?)

On the the other hand my kids have been driving me nuts and I know that some moms will say it’s not that bad, but lock yourself in a house with my kids and you will be ready to give them back. I’m just kidding they are not misbehaved but just really energetic I guess I better work out and keep up lol. Last year we became really interested in plants, but this year we really got the chance to become plant parents. On that note I figured this would be the best time to instill responsibility. Teaching a child responsibility is easy but for some odd reason getting them to follow a watering schedule is hard work. Doing breathing exercises the whole way to my room to scream into a pillow. Yeah sometimes it’s like that.

Education Virtual

Ahhh good ol Virtual….(sarcastic punch)

With school approaching I am blowing my lid and I am feeling very overwhelmed and drained, but it hasn’t even started yet. Odd right. Not so much for this year because we are virtual, I mean how bad can it be. If your not internet savvy you will be when it is all over and done. I will be honest I am more so worried about my girls going back to school because my eldest has chronic asthma. Just the thought of it makes me really anxious. If they had to go back to school within the structure I mean, my daughter wouldn’t be going. I am not against parents sending their children to school because that is there right. Not really my business to tell another woman how to be a mom but that’s just me. I just know that my littles will not be going. My middle daughter will be going into kindergarten this year and I couldn’t be happier, I do wish that the circumstances were different. Maybe 2021 will be better because I know the kids do miss that social interaction with friends.

House Guests?

We have new house guests and by guests yes I mean more than one. Was that the plan initially when we embarked on this journey, nope but s*** happens and who am I to say no? I was in the market for a cat and or kitten, preferably a kitten though I love how small and loving they are. Anyway I found one or so I thought and I became really excited because it was like this cat just found me. As I was speaking to the gentleman about the cat he said can you take both. My husband and I both look at each other in surprise asking if either had seen the other cat. No we both mouthed to each other, but in reality we actually did see the other cat but had simply overlooked her because she blended in. She is grey and the cat that we saw was white, instantly looking at the picture the first cat that would have caught anyone’s attention is the brighter one. Honest mistake but guess what we did? We brought both of them home and they couldn’t be happier. I have a dog so right now we are trying to get them comfortable enough to be around one another.

Fingers crossed.

Until Tomorrow….

All in all I think that this has been an experience for us all because we were faced with an issue that we ourselves couldn’t control. The good thing that did come from this would be that we got to spend time with the ones that we love. I know we have had our good and bad days throughout this experience but we are conquering this. 2020 will be over before you know it but not before we get through my favorite time of the year and we are just getting started.

Hello Fall!

Quarantined Lazy Bones

But not for long

I don’t know what all this is about, but today I feel like just lounging around the house. It has literally been 2 days now and I feel like time has not moved at all. I think I am starting to be a quarantined zombie. I’ve been kept inside to long. I need an escape , an out of this whole motherhood shit storm. Being stuck in the house with a family of 5, and 3 girls as daughters i can sometimes get rough. I mean the pulling out your hair kind, what am I going to do type of situation.

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When in despair yell into the air

My kids have a tendency to become overly bored in an instant. If we do not keep them occupied in some way (I love educational tech) then our day is pretty much going to be rough. We all have our little tricks to get our kids to be quit, especially if your a SAHM and Work From Home. Keep in mind that everyone is different so no judgments here folks. If there is nothing to do they generally begin to play, rough house, argue, and then the inevitable fighting. So I try to be productive and prevent that. Yelling is not a preference of mine, I would rather not here it. Where as dad on the other hand has the ability to ignore it. I’m over her like how are you doing that teach me. I know terrible right.

Cozy Socks and Sweatpants Please

I have been seeing a lot of moms dress up while at home with nothing to do. I would prefer a pair of comfy socks over heels any day. To each it’s own, you guys are still beautiful. I have literally been in this phase where I don’t feel like getting dressed up, I would rather be dressed down and comfy. I get up everyday ready for battle (lol) I just know that today is the day I will get food thrown on me. I have to be ready for literally everything. I am comfortable and messy I can admit, but that the finer things about me I guess. I know most people would be like oh no you need to get up and get dolled up, but I’m rocking the #quarantinedmomlook.

Cook if you must, You Must

The only thing that has not been lazy is my love for cooking, this is done with love no matter if your happy or sad. I have been trying to introduce my kids to a sugar free diet. It has been going great and I have learned quiet a few new dishes, and researching new mexican dishes to introduce. This is also a way I can spend time with my girls, because sometimes they go off on their own and play. I know it’s crazy but when they play by themselves, moms tend to want to interject themselves. (very common).

Quarantined vs. Sanity

I know that through this time things have been hard, if you have kids then you get my drift. The only thing that has been hard for me would be adjusting. Blogging has been my comfort through all of this, starting up my podcast, and being triumphant.This is what is helping me to stay sane at home with my kids. Being able to share with different people about my take on motherhood and real life situations. If you have something that will help you stay focused on then by all means proceed with that. Now would be the perfect time to get a lot of things done.

Ears Open Let’s Get Grown Up

Oh darling what shall we do with you…

Techy is my middle name

I know that this may not be your first choice, but when you have kids sometimes it’s good to just let loose. Nap times are perfect for whatever your into or just feeling that day. I am a huge fan of call of duty, it’s so much fun almost like getting out of the house talking to people from all over.

I’m not saying bail out

Now I know what you may be thinking this is just some sort of cop out to get out of sex. No and Yes, I know that we as woman are not always in the mood and rather than hurt you spouses feelings just redirecting is a better alternative. This quarantine can be about what you make it, me personally I am taking time to get to know my husband all over again. I want us to be able to connect on a different type of level, not that we already don’t but you get my drift.

I know that by now you are really going through it with your spouse. Not as an argumentative type og going through it but the more loving kind. Yes we are all adults the correct term for it is SEX. I’ve learned that being cooped up with my husband that’s all he thinks about. I’m okay with it but i’m not a bicycle ya know. SO I have come up with different things to do with your spouse other than sex.

Most Popular

  • Board Games( For the game Lovers)
  • Video Games (For my techy moms)
  • Netflix(Careful with the titles)
  • Trails (I’m a Nature Lover)
  • Tik Tok (Let’s have some fun)
  • Spa Night (We all need some TLC)

Let’s get personal

Me I would prefer to binge watch on Netflix it makes for a great conversational piece. Sitting her watching a movie with my husband just makes me a chatty kathy. There is so much that you are taking in. I just feel like share, share, share.

What is your take on this specific topic?

Quarantine|with the Husband

I know a lot of woman will agree when I say that this quarantine has been hell. I knew that in the beginning it was going to be hard when my husband had to stay home. Hard in the terms of he has ADHD and so he has to stay active or he becomes a Nagitha Kristie. Just yap yap yap. We generally avoid this but being as though we literally have nothing to do. We are stuck and so we have been trying to cope with everything.

Then you throw kids in the mix its hell on wheels but at least they keep him occupied for the most part. You know how sometimes when people get stuck with each other for a long period of time. They start to get on each others nerves, now I know some people that would beg to differ. (appearances) I am going to be bluntly honest, my husband has been driving me up a wall. At first I couldn’t make sense of it because when he was always at work I missed him. Then I was kinda complaining because I did miss him. Now I have come to realization that we have just been stuck in the same place each other. There is absolutely the worst thing ever if I watch another Netflix stream I might just lose my eyes.

Now we have come up with different things to help keep us busy during quarantine. Its not as bad as before, I wanted to Bart Simpson strangle him. For him annoying me is all in good fun. Sometimes he complains that I need to smile more. Obviously my husband is the playful overboard. He always means well and always makes me smile so I’m good there.

I hope that after quarantine when things get moving again. We can get back to where we were. Until then I can make it, he’s not going to get my sanity lol. Once moms lost it dads not far behind. 😜

Littles Sleep, Biggs Up

So we are literally driving and I’m talking to my kids but I’m not getting any feedback. So my husband and I are like are they sleep? His guess is as good as mine. Of course I’ll check because dads driving that excludes him from mom duties right.

To our surprise they were all sleeping which is odd but they were probably tired. So this is like a never happening thing and now me and my husband are looking like what now.

What do you do when the kids are asleep and it’s just you and dad. I dont believe that we have given that any thought because this is like never for us. So now we have to think of something fun.

Travel Activities

  • Trivia
  • Memory Games
  • Guess That Song
  • Who Am I
  • See How Much They Know About You

Please remember that this is in all good fun and I dont want you to lose your mind over this. It’s really simple there are many many more depending on the type of spouse you have. My husband is a complete goofball so anything goes with him.

Let’s not flip our lid

I am really good at guess this song I would say that he is okay he would argue he is awesome. Yea typical dad taking all the shine. Just kidding dads dont hate me. You guys are awesome.


QUESTION

What are some cool games that you and your spouse might play in the car when the kids are sleeping? Talking doesnt really count.

Breaks Vs. Divorce

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Which is Best

Sometimes we get to that point where we may in fact need to make a concious decision as to whether or not we want to be together. Some people may think that relationship are fairy tales but that may only be because reality hasn’t hit yet. In other words every couple has there problems but it is the decisions that we make that will determine our fate. Being married makes it no longer about you kind of like when you become a mom it’s about your kids, same concept.

What it means to take a “break”

Normally in marriages the term is referred to as that you and your partner have not officially broken up, however you have decided to take some time away from everyone and your relationship.

How long should we take a break

No one ever knows how long the break will last for, it solely depends upon the partners. Based on what you may be going through you and your partner should sit down and discuss a time frame that you both can agree on. if this is not something that you can do at this time give it a week or so and then reach back out or discuss at a later date.

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Look At It From His Perspective

To woman breaks can mean a variety of things especially if you are in an unhealthy emotional state. Men however look at it as just some time to chill and relax to get their thoughts together. He needs time to sort things out on his own and it won’t happen while you are together. There is no time to think or deal with the problems while your ignoring them.

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Reunite or No

In some cases couples tend not to get back together if after a break they don’t see any possible way of this working. Just keep in mind that although you may claim to be changed or that things will be different doesn’t necessarily mean that you will get back together. Some things just were not meant to be and there is something better in store for you.

Do breaks help

Although this method is very healthy in a relationship, it does not really lead to break up. It actually has potential to strenghthen your relationship. The reason for taking a break are almost infinite sometimes it is the best choice.

What are your thoughts

I want to know what are your thoughts on breaks as it pertains to relationships and marriage?

Tired and frustrated - is it okay to take a break from marriage, my husband? What I learned

Traits of A Partner


What’s Love Got To Do With It

-Tina Turner

Finding love can be somewhat of a hard task I mean you love who you love but in some cases maybe love is not enough. When looking for love you have to make sure that the person you may be seeking is compatible with you and have attributes that you my like, maybe even love them for. Most people look for partners with either one or the following.

  • Trustworthy
  • Loyalty
  • Stability
  • Compassion for others

Now this may be just me when it comes to compassion for others I am a real stickler for people who are rude and obnoxious to others it’s just not necessary. For us these components are of the upmost importance. It determines they relationship pretty much.

Trust Me

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Not everyone is trustworthy and only time will tell that if you pay attention to people rather than being in a state of lust things will become commonly clear. If you have found someone who is always been truthful this is a plus. Being with someone who is untruthful makes a person crazy because you never know when they are telling the truth even in urgent situations. When you are untruthful you have to constantly be that way because now you have to build on the lies that you have already secured for the foundation.

No One Wants A Person Who Constantly Lies

Loyal

It’s hard as is trying to find someone who will be loyal to you or do things that would otherwise compromise what you have. Disloyalty can cause a rift in a relationship but also goes hand in hand with trust. Once a person has been caught being disloyal there may not be a way for the other person to bounce back from the downfall. Something like this can have a huge impact on your relationship.

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Stability

When you think of stability what comes across your mind, if you are stable and seeking a partner he\she should be stable as well. You cannot build a house while carrying your partner not unless you are willing too. Stability ties into money as well if there is no steady income coming in this can cause rifts as well. Majority of relationship issues stem off of money.

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Compassion

This is always a plus for us we love to see how people interact with other people it says a lot about there character. Actions speak louder than words so if you feel like they are for you then go for it. If you see something that’s not settling in with you then say something. Normally we as humkans can see the early signs whether we want to or not.

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Finding the right person can be a hard task and sometimes they find you. I would advise that throughout your search you keep this in mind and if you see signs don’t ignore them. Remember that there is a someone for everyone.

Question of The Day

When looking for a partner or when you were looking for your spouse what were some of the things you looked for?