Everyone is raised different and it’ your differences that make you uniquely you. Your up’s and downs are what make you stronger and prepares you for someday when you become a parent.What is the most common thing that couples fight about other than money, the fact that they don’t agree with the way the other parent chose to to parent the child.
I know your probably like that’s not me, me and my significant other never fight about something that ridiculous and I understand and I am happy that you have come to a common gorund. The reality here is that this is a real ongoing problem here and now, it may not major to most people but to those who want to know how to get to that safe place and understand why these problems keep occurring than keep reading .
It happened to me…
When I first became a mom me and my husband were happy and peachy but it wasn’t until my children began to get older that we had to start disciplining them. Now I know that some people frown upon discipline, they believe that a child only has to be talked to. Truth is there are a lot of different ways to discipline your child.
Long story short my daughters school relies on color codes in order to communicate with parents, my daughter would come home with constant yellow for the dumbest reasons. Say like she would be talking too much and she would get a yellow , things like that. I though it was idiotic to make a child feel like they did something wrong constantly, simply because you want them to stop talking.
Dad says hey you know that there has to be a consequence for you getting yellow
This is where the disagreement comes in because I had not been raised like that for every bad color I brought In I was punished only when it seemed as though I didn’t grasps the wrongs that I had done. I was always given a fighting chance to make things better, be better, and grow. My husband was raised on the ideas that a child who misbehaves should be punished or have some type of consequence. That’s just not the case here and so we have a disagreement on our hands. How can we solve this to get to a better mutual understanding?
Agree to Disagree That is the Question.
When parents don’t agree on parenting what should you do? Throwing a fit is simply out of the question because you don’t want your kids to see. What they see they will do and that’s not a habit you want your kids to pick up.
- Find a common ground – Always look for the most positive parent discipline method that you can both agree on and stick to it
- Ask yourself why are you having this disagreement? What is the actual problem? (This could be cause by there own previous childhood)
- Start small- Find things that you can agree on (Respect, Family Values
- Think long term – If I do this how will this affect them in the long run?
- Pick out a signal that only you and your spouse to end the feud before it gets intense (It’s not good to yell in front of the kids, wait until you are alone with your significant other
- Don’t do the good cop bad cops it only makes you more vulnerable in the child’s eyes. It makes them realize what they can get away with.
- Commit to It (This is an ongoing process not an overnight job)
When it comes to conflict in general people act in a variety of ways you can never pin point what someone will do because they are angry or upset. The worst thing that could happen would be that you call each other names to make yourself feel better, but then I gues that would say a lot about your character right. So let’s be positive, think positive thoughts what can we do to fix the problem?
Here are 4 strategies proven effective
Giving in is not the answer if you give in then what would be the point in saying anything at all. If you feel strongly about something address it in a more respectful way so that your partner can actually hear you. Now it is okay to accommodate if both of you agree.
This happens when one retreats from the issue at hand simply removing themselves from the situation. In some cases this is the best because we don’t want tempers flaring and words that we don’t mean being exchanged, Let’s not make more problems.
We all want the same thing why not come to a mutual agreement and work it out but be assertive to show that you mean what you say.
Sometimes we all don’t get what we want but we have the ability to change so say he is a believer in punishment and you are a firm believer in talking to your children. Make that compromise okay the first time I will talk to you about the problems and see what we can do next time to do better . If you continue this type of behavior you will become punished.
Show them you are serious and mean buissness!
We all have our differences but it is up to you to make that conscious as to whether or not you want to hash it out or become a bigger and better person.